As the evening dragged on, several of us wondered aloud over our headsets once again why we were open so late on a Sunday night. Almost all of the paying customers had wandered off by nine, two hours before closing. The remaining swarm consisted mostly of jetlagged European tourists who would tend to wander about and not buy things, and of our regular denizens. Most of those were draped over our most comfortable chairs, either sleeping, staring belligerently at any who dared to approach them, or nattering to people we couldn’t see. They had made sure to mark their territory by moving their chairs from where we had left them, usually placing them in the flow of traffic. In the passive-aggressive way that seems to be becoming an American signature, they simply acted as if they were entitled to do whatever they wanted, to say whatever they wanted, and to leave as much of a mess as they could.
Our supervisors gave the ritual announcements starting an hour before closing to make sure that people had time to pull their stuff together and leave on time. They even made more announcements than usual, since some of the people seemed especially resistant to leaving. We also had a steady barrage of people zooming in and having to get one of the Harry Potter books immediately. We had plenty of the new one, but the whole industry seems to have been caught unaware by the sudden demand for the earlier books, and everyone in the country seems to be running short of them. (I’d seen the five movies, so I read book six last week and am reading the new, final one this week so as not to miss the cultural moment.)
Right after the ten minute warning, just as I thought I had cleared the floor for the night, a woman came up the escalator, dressed in a sharp business suit and carrying a briefcase. She stopped after walking ahead by a few steps, and went into the usual bird-like head bobbing of someone trying to figure out quickly where we’ve put things.
“Can I help you?” I asked.
“I need the Paul McCartney,” she said. “The new one. The latest one.”
“That’ll be over here,” I said, walking over to a display. It wasn’t there. “Or definitely over here,” I continued, heading back to the McCartney bin in the Pop/Rock section. I pulled it from the bin, handed it to her, and began to walk back with her to the escalators.
“Is it good?” she asked. “Is it a good one? It’s not for me. It’s for my dad. Will he like it?”
“It’s good,” I said. “It’s a good Paul McCartney album. No one’s going to go ‘Oh, wow, I never expected Paul McCartney to do this!’, but if you liked the last one — and I liked the last one a lot — you’ll like this one.”
“OK,” she said, then slowed and turned to face me. “Um, would you have…” she paused. “What music do you have for someone who’s dying? I mean, he’s dying right now, and I want to have music for him… to have… when he goes.”
“What does he like to listen to?” I asked.
“Classical. Jazz. Choral. Instruments. World. Chants. You know…” she replied.
“Well, I can think of one thing right off,” I said. “I read an article in the New Yorker a while back about music playing in hospices. It said that this piece –” I pulled a CD of Arvo Pärt’s Tabula Rasa from the composer’s rack “– was the favorite music for people who… were there.”
“For dying people? Can I listen to it?”
I took her over to a listening station and showed her how to scan a disc and listen to excerpts. She listened to the snippet that we could play of Tabula Rasa, nodded, and took off the headphones.
“This is good. What else would you suggest?”
I got her the Trio Mediaeval’s Soir, Dit Elle. “This is a favorite of mine. Three soprano voices, very spare, drifting and winding around each other in the silence.”
“I like that,” she said. “I’ll give it a listen. Do you have any chants that would be good, Tibetan or Hindu or something like that?”
I went over to the world music bins as she listened to the Trio Mediaeval and pulled out some suggestions. She listened to several. She immediately liked Lama Gyurme’s Rain of Blessings: Varja Chants, and turned down Nawang Khechog’s Tibetan Meditation Music since it had flutes instead of chanting. I stepped away while she was listening to those and pulled out Pat Metheny’s One Quiet Night, Deva Premal’s The Essence, and Sacred Tibetan Chant by the Monks of Sherab Ling Monastery (though I ended up not suggesting it to her as I remembered that it gets kind of raucous toward the end).
When I got back to her, our manager was announcing over the loudspeakers that we were closed. The customer appeared to be talking to herself, but I realized, as I returned to her, that what I had thought was an earring was a Bluetooth earpiece for her phone. “OK… OK… I’ll be there… So he’s… OK… So I’ll be there soon… Bye.”
Our manager was now asking the employees to clear the floors. “I’m going to be a moment,” I said over the headset. “I’m still with a customer.” I decided that I was going to give this customer as much time as she needed.
She decided to get the Metheny and the Deva Premal. “Thanks,” she said. “This is… we didn’t expect this. He just… and I had to find the music, and I…”
“I understand,” I said. “I lost my father about a year ago, and I can feel where you are.”
“Well, thanks so much for… for this,” she said.
I nodded. “It’s an honor to be able to help you.”
She headed down the escalator. I got on the loudspeaker, announced that the fourth floor was clear, and listened as each of the remaining floors were declared clear as she descended.
I moved around the floor, putting away the CDs that she didn’t get, and found myself shaky and tearing up. This had been more difficult than I had thought as I was doing it, and I felt like I had been involved in a kind of sacred responsibility.
On my way down, I told a coworker about the customer’s search. “Wouldn’t you just want to play whatever music the person liked most?” she asked.
“From what I’ve learned,” I said, “that’s not quite it. Sometime you don’t want anything with too strong a hook or a rhythm. If a person is in the process of going, that music can get in the way, and can block some of the emotions.” (I recall that there’s a story in the Talmud about just such a thing.)
“Hmm,” she said. “Not something I would have imagined.”
I got down to the basement and finally clocked out. My manager was down there, waiting to close the building. I told him what had happened. “What an end to the day,” I said.
“And what a night,” he replied.
I leaned against the wall, regaining my balance, as I waited for the elevator. Thinking back on all the annoyances of the day, I returned to the image and emotions of that final customer. And I realized that, after all the problems, this is why we are here.
Mick-ity-mick | July 30, 2007 - ט"ו אב תשס"ז at 8:37 am | Permalink
Three cheers for you for being an actual human being instead of a sellbot! Out of the group I used to work with I think there was only one or two out of the whole store that would have taken the time. Well, one and and a half, anyway. I was pretty brusque about showing customers the door at closing time.
jojo | July 30, 2007 - ט"ו אב תשס"ז at 9:49 pm | Permalink
Very nice.
Loren | July 31, 2007 - ט"ז אב תשס"ז at 5:56 am | Permalink
Wow, thank you for telling this story. (I’m here at Ms. MAS’s suggestion.) I’m going to make a list of your recommendations and check them out.
johnieB | August 1, 2007 - י"ז אב תשס"ז at 12:30 pm | Permalink
Delightful meeting you like this, I think I’m here from JaneR’s; you sound like a FOJ’s. I shall try many of your suggestions; it appears I am to visit my dying 91 year old mother this weekend.
Grace and peace,
Ed | August 3, 2007 - י"ט אב תשס"ז at 4:40 pm | Permalink
I was also sent over here by Jane. Thank you so much for this beautiful story. I’m afraid most of my experiences with CD salespeople have not been anything like this… And I’ll be checking out your recommendations as well; the Pärt is the only one I know.
Una Nakamura | August 11, 2007 - כ"ז אב תשס"ז at 1:05 pm | Permalink
Joe, thanks for posting this, NB brought it to my attention. It’s beautiful! Having worked with the dying, indeed, it is a privilege…and you were right on with your sensitivities, expertise, experience! You were listening very deeply. I’m sure that lady will never forget you!
Very touching!
Ruth L. Greenberg | August 21, 2007 - ז' אלול תשס"ז at 11:28 am | Permalink
Beautiful story and beautifully told, Joseph!
Person to person « STEVENHARTSITE | September 15, 2007 - ג' תשרי תשס"ח at 12:24 pm | Permalink
[…] Person to person September 15th, 2007 I was all set to send Joe a chiding e-mail: Bad blogger, too long between new posts, naughty naughty, bad blogger! But when the last post is something this poignant and worthy of constant re-reading, the proper response is to link to it and spread the word. […]
geoff | September 15, 2007 - ג' תשרי תשס"ח at 3:05 pm | Permalink
I did ten years of book/music retail, and whenever I begin reading a post like this I expect it to be a negative, sardonic tale of customer or coworker stupidity or banality.
Thanks for foiling my expectations. Nicely done.
Mrs.Biscuitbarrel | October 1, 2007 - י"ט תשרי תשס"ח at 8:19 am | Permalink
What a great mitzvah you did for this shopper. I am teary-eyed at your sensitivity to her situation, and to a distraught daughter who wanted to ease her father’s exit, and was in a position to do so. (Not all of us are.)
May this gentleman’s memory endure as a blessing. The same goes to you and your website. (I’m a first-time visitor, via Crooks&Liars, but I’ll be back.)
Mazel.
Chuck | October 1, 2007 - י"ט תשרי תשס"ח at 8:28 am | Permalink
100 Times 5 Stars.
It’s so nice to know there are more “real humans” out there willing to help.
I’m also via C&L and will be back.
Thanks and may He/She/It/Whatever Bless You.
Tony | October 1, 2007 - י"ט תשרי תשס"ח at 8:45 am | Permalink
You’ve hooked a new reader. Amazing post, written from the gut.
I’ll be checking out Tabula Rasa as well.
(oh, and I’m here via C&L, if you’re interested to why you’re getting all the sudden attention).
maggiemae | October 1, 2007 - י"ט תשרי תשס"ח at 8:58 am | Permalink
As my father was dying, my natural inclination was to hum softly to him. As mothers do to their newborn babies….an exit lullaby for my Dad. It must be a deeply primal instinct. Thank you for the list of music. Here from C&L, but now bookmarked as a favorite. Thank you!
Deezus | October 1, 2007 - י"ט תשרי תשס"ח at 9:06 am | Permalink
Wow. I mean, just, wow. That was beautiful.
(also here via crooks & liars)
Celeste | October 1, 2007 - י"ט תשרי תשס"ח at 9:13 am | Permalink
Joseph, I will be sharing your story with several friends, and printing this for the local hospice. We should all be so lucky as to have such an unseen “angel,” (if I may use that word), to help us when it’s our time to go. I wish great blessings for you.
Jayster | October 1, 2007 - י"ט תשרי תשס"ח at 9:14 am | Permalink
A beautiful story. I once heard an interview on the radio with a woman who works with a project called Chalice of Repose. She played a harp, perhaps there was another instrument as well, and they would go around to patients in hospices who were nearing the end, and just play for them. The music was unbelievably peaceful and evoked the afterlife in a way I’ve never heard elsewhere. If I get the opportunity, I’d love to listen to something like that when my time comes.
MrMtyzptlk | October 1, 2007 - י"ט תשרי תשס"ח at 9:17 am | Permalink
I’m here from C&L as well. My sister does hospice work; I will forward this post. Thanks.
Dennis Moran | October 1, 2007 - י"ט תשרי תשס"ח at 10:38 am | Permalink
Now that is a slice of real life. Thank you.
Dews | October 1, 2007 - י"ט תשרי תשס"ח at 11:03 am | Permalink
Wow, good to know there are people out there that genuinely care. Nice to get a reminder of that sometimes, good for you man…
Terrible | October 1, 2007 - י"ט תשרי תשס"ח at 11:12 am | Permalink
I’m here via Crooks and Liars. Great post Joseph! On the world music scene I really like the flutes of R.Y.C.H.
psd | October 1, 2007 - י"ט תשרי תשס"ח at 12:36 pm | Permalink
yep, C&L sent me here too. Very impressive post Joseph. I’ll be back for more.
Ex-Canuck | October 1, 2007 - י"ט תשרי תשס"ח at 12:55 pm | Permalink
Thank you for doing what you did for that woman, and for her father. And, thank you for letting us know. I am here, like many of the above, from C&L, and will be coming back. You have added positivity to my day…
RC | October 1, 2007 - י"ט תשרי תשס"ח at 1:03 pm | Permalink
Also here from C&L. Very worthy post. I like that you were able to help this woman and her father so much and so quickly because you know so much. I also have a sister in the hospice worker setting, I will forward these ideas to her.
Now I will have to visit your site and see what other wonders are here.
markwilliams | October 1, 2007 - י"ט תשרי תשס"ח at 2:57 pm | Permalink
Mr. Zitt,
Thank you for sharing that small piece of humanity. I worked retail for many years and realize how difficult it is to be patient with last minute customers. Kindness can be a difficult emotion to default to but what better could a person spend their time than helping choose the music for a dying mans ear?
cunningham | October 1, 2007 - י"ט תשרי תשס"ח at 3:19 pm | Permalink
here via C&L; I lived this too, here’s a poem about it:
last meal of the night
he looks at me with
red eyes
through thick round glasses,
heavy black frames
slipping forward on his human nose.
it is two minutes until closing.
I tell him,
“go ahead, man, what do you need?”
the kitchen grumbles, I can feel
anger rising upon my neck
in hot tired waves.
he mercifully orders
the easiest thing on the menu.
his will be our last meal of the night.
the cook is fast,
throws it to me and I bag it up.
he reaches out to take it
and asks me my name.
I tell him.
he then reaches out to shake my hand.
“I know you are trying to close,
but I really needed this food.
my brother is up the street at the university
and he is
probably
going to die
tonight.”
he is still holding my hand
and I can see his eyes,
the space beyond his eyes,
shielded sort of by the thick lenses
grow wider
but not very much.
“thank you for your kindness.”
he drops my hand and is gone.
the hunger
we cannot stand to bear
alone
but must.
flash | October 1, 2007 - י"ט תשרי תשס"ח at 3:27 pm | Permalink
sometimes ordinary people,without even knowing,become,to others,heroes.a kind word,a smile,a gesture,a small kindness,may loom large in the lives of others,and though you may never know of it,you,to that grieving young lady, will be be a part of her and her family’s history,forever.May many fine and sunny days be yours.
zennurse | October 1, 2007 - י"ט תשרי תשס"ח at 3:52 pm | Permalink
Thank you.
I’m a hospice nurse and you have provided your customer with wonderful instruments for her bereavement. She will never forget those moments or the perfect music you suggested for her father’s process and passing.
To me, these moments are sacraments.
All blessings to you in your own bereavement and healing.
zennurse
momly | October 1, 2007 - י"ט תשרי תשס"ח at 4:00 pm | Permalink
Hi, I got here via Crooks and Liars and I am glad I cam.
Thank you for your story; it will remain with me and be sent along.
roger helton | October 1, 2007 - י"ט תשרי תשס"ח at 7:05 pm | Permalink
Wow. That is the most poignant thing I’ve read in quite a while. Thank you.
WarrenS | October 1, 2007 - י"ט תשרי תשס"ח at 7:17 pm | Permalink
Also here from C&L. Thank you for that beautiful story. Several years ago I spent about an hour singing Hindu devotional songs to a dying man - my wife’s South Indian grandfather. Your post brought that experience back, and reminded me as well of a very powerful French film you might want to check out, “Tout le matins du monde (All The Mornings of The World).” Rarely have I felt music’s real qualities expressed so purely and powerfully. Thanks again.
RichM | October 1, 2007 - י"ט תשרי תשס"ח at 9:44 pm | Permalink
Wonderful story. I am also here through Crooks and Liars. Had to listen to Trio Mediaeval just to hear what they sound like. Very soothing. I’m sure your caring made an impact. Thanks
michael | October 1, 2007 - י"ט תשרי תשס"ח at 10:49 pm | Permalink
thanks for making me remember those finest moments of my life…
marian | October 2, 2007 - כ' תשרי תשס"ח at 7:18 am | Permalink
that was lovely.
Melodious | October 2, 2007 - כ' תשרי תשס"ח at 9:26 am | Permalink
The Tibetans would say that he was meant to be there for her. That his karma and hers were meant to mesh that day. This story brought tears to my eyes. I am grateful for such people.
MarkR | October 2, 2007 - כ' תשרי תשס"ח at 1:48 pm | Permalink
linked from C&L: Although it has been a few years now, my last days with my dear father were similar. You clearly understood what both the daughter and the father needed. I struggled past my own instincts to play for my father what pleased me. In the end, I found music from his native country of Panama (not an easy task in the midwest) and found him to truly relax against the struggle of his deathbed. His last night, he waited for me to fall asleep before he went, both of us drifting off listening to his native melodies. Thank You for giving me a moment of reflection once again.
Andrew Tan | December 29, 2007 - כ' טבת תשס"ח at 10:32 am | Permalink
Wow, that’s a really touching story. Thanks for sharing it with us… I was getting a little teary-eyed reading it. Sigh, and I’m reminded of life’s fragility; memento mori.
P.S I’m not from C&L. I’m here from your squid ink pasta page.
Teresa | May 16, 2008 - י"א אייר תשס"ח at 1:41 pm | Permalink
That was a very touching story! Keep on writing!
=]